Walking Out My Issues

Clearing out my head has not always been an easy task. Generally I can work through some issues or push them to the back and bury them for a while, but never really get rid of them. A couple days ago I decided I would walk out my issues. 9 miles later, a blister and sore muscles I had several light bulbs turn on and some were blinding. After a recent heartbreak I have done a lot of thinking and looking back on my life. While in lots of areas in my life I am very strong willed and independent I also have a very soft side. Growing up being made fun of a lot I guess builds up a wall that allows me to pretend to be strong but it doesn’t keep the hurt from penetrating.

Light bulb #1: I fall for people that have the same weaknesses as I do. I seem to seek out people that have had bad relationships and have been used in the past. I seek out relationships with people who wear masks to cover up the pain and put up a strong front.

Light bulb #2: I seek these people out because if I can figure out how to help them overcome their issues, maybe I can figure out how to overcome mine.

Light bulb #3: I can’t fix people. I am not God; I do not have any power to fix others. While I am a great listener and friend I am not able to help people over come the very same issue that affect me because I have not yet overcome them.

Light bulb #4: We are all made different because we were each given different strengths and weaknesses in order to give strength to others who are weak in the areas of our strengths. If I want to be of help to anyone in the future I need to use my strengths not my weaknesses. I need to wait patiently for someone that has strengths that meet my weaknesses.

In life I feel at times I have given everything of myself in order to make whomever I am with happy. In the end I start neglecting myself and have lost a little bit of who I am at each turn. After a while I have become a little bit of this person and a little of the next one and have lost who I am. I no longer recognize the person looking back in the mirror. I have let my happiness depend on others for so long that I have had to learn what truly makes me happy. Slowly but surely I am learning. I know that I need to keep my eyes open and keep moving forward while growing everyday. I have taken on a lot of new things lately in order to push myself farther and grow. The new confidences I am finding in myself are helping me to start recognizing the person looking back at me in the mirror and liking what I see. While I may be a strong person, I do still need to lean on others occasionally for strength, and I need to be careful of who those others are.